meme     /     hogwarts au sentences.

mentally, he puts it down as one of those things he’s known, some way, about danny much longer but some of which’s realities hasn’t dawned upon him until that moment. eyes move from the dark creature to the other boy, estimating if atlas–the cautious, walls-up, hide-from-most-displays-of-affection atlas—yet realises how much he’s just told about himself.    “  yeah, it’s a protection thing. for most people, i think, they just think it’s magic. not like that’d be the weirdest thing they see when they come here.  ”     he’s talking a bit too much, even if convincingly paced, and he knows it’s mostly to buy time.

“  most people that don’t include you, me since the THIRD YEAR, or anyone else that’s seen someone die.  ”     suddenly, dylan’s not sure if he’s ever told that part to danny—the part where he actually saw his dad die first thing after the end of the school year—but maybe it doesn’t matter if he hasn’t: this is as good of a time to bring that up as any.

DIFFERENT WAYS TO SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’

hesitantly, he raises his head — his eyes slowly come up from the floor, and it’s completely obvious now how long he’s been crying: his tears have ended once, and he’s continued to grieve until he could cry again. the same cycle, on repeat until he’d finally tired himself out to numbness. for the past… hour, hours  ( how long has it been since he walked out? how long has it been since danny joined him? )  he’s done nothing but tried to carve out this sadness, cling on to danny’s uniform shirt — grateful that the slytherin was here with him despite surely earning himself more detention every minute — and try to shut his brain up from telling him how lonely he’d just become, how irrelevant, how he’d just become one of those orphans who get pushed around because they don’t matter to anyone. and at some point, he realises, he must’ve started to say some of it out loud.

“ do you MEAN that? ”   dylan’s tired, and the monotone it causes makes it sound colder than he means it — it’s just his eyes that are telling of the vulnerability that prompts the question.  “ because right now, you don’t get to just say that to me if you’re just saying it. ”

i’m too tired to deal with empty promises.

DIFFERENT WAYS TO SAY ‘I LOVE YOU’.

it’s only then that he pays enough attention to the notes to recognise the song — head turns to danny with a moment of fright, as if he’s been caught doing something private… and then it softens as dylan realises it actually doesn’t matter when the hell danny had noticed how often he has the cheesiest of 90′s tunes stuck in his head, or that maroon 5′s earlier stuff only really manages to sneak into their background music at home when dylan is around.   “ it’s ONE of them. and you’re a sentimental idiot for playing it to me. ”   it’s probably specifically how clicheé the song choice is that makes him laugh just as much as he feels flattered.   “ my favourite song is actually BELIEVE by cher, but i get why you’d pick this one. ”

you’re lucky i love you.

strong horse: danny has a bird fetish confirmed
cricketchirp: bird furry confirmed

OLD SENTENCE MEME.

danny’s steps on creaking snow warn dylan of his coming, buying him the time to take a breath before the words cut the air, before he feels danny against his back and the younger’s arms around him. he closes the lid on the pack of cigarettes he’s been toying with in the chilly london air. the plastic that had covered it just a minute ago is still in his pocket, golden strip rebelliously hanging outside, visible against the black coat to anyone who’d notice that sort of thing.   “ i know. i QUIT ten years ago. ”   he’s not yet put the box away, fingers pulling the top open and closes again and again in thought.   “ i wasn’t gonna light one. ”   it’s true, even if danny has little reason to believe so — dylan wishes he’d had disclosed this earlier so it wouldn’t come as a surprise now, but he knows he never would’ve brought it up: danny would only worry about something dylan’s put long past him.

“ i never DO. i always swear i will when i storm out, but it’s the walk that actually does the trick for me. ”   this time, it’d taken a minute longer than normal, but just like every other time, by the time dylan had opened the pack and stared at the rows of cancer sticks for a good minute, he’d calmed enough to no longer have the impulse of breaking a good eleven and a half year’s streak. he turns his head as much as he can towards the other without breaking the hold  ( it’s rarer for them to be this way around, he realises, but he could get used to it ).   “ look, i’m sorry i got so heated up about it all, i was mad at the arcana and you picked a bad day to pick a fight with me. ”

he could say more but he doesn’t want to — not now, anyway, when he’s pretty sure danny doesn’t want to continue the conversation either and the moment’s too perfect to be ruined with talking. instead, he chucks the full pack of cigarettes to the snow, bringing his hands over danny’s, and allows his head to rest on danny’s.   “ i love you. ”

eyetraitor.

danny’s fairly sure that the time is quick approaching where he really ought to focus on what he’s supposed to be doing, on getting out of the ropes  —  but then again dylan seemed to have this natural ability to destroy his usually reliable self restraint, so instead he cocks his head to the side and considers, because he’s not even sure dylan knows how much he’s given him to reply to right there.  “ hey, i’m just as surprised as you…  although the opposite is certainly an idea. ”  pushing the images proffered by the idea of tying dylan up aside is harder than it has any right to be, but he manages, tilting his head back slightly and smirking.  “ so you’ve thought about it. ”

there’s little he can do to mask the small shake in his breath in response to the new closeness and the quieting of dylan’s voice, even as he follows the given instruction, hooking his finger around the rope and tugging tentatively.  the intimacy of the moment is unexpected, but not unwelcome, he finds, there’s comfort in dylan’s closeness that he’d never admit aloud.  he swallows once, trying yet again to redirect his own attention.  “ like that, right? ”

there’s little hoping danny can’t feel the small intake of breath that results when the imagery of danny tying him down to a bedframe properly hits him, drawing itself in his mind with a few details more than what is absolutely necessary. danny leans back, and dylan has to force patience within himself to not follow his first instinct and press a kiss to the newly exposed area, if for nothing else then to watch the smirk waver for a moment.   “ yeah, i HAVE, ”   he admits, almost adding  ‘ i’ve thought about a lot of things ’  before electing to wait to see if even this idea works out first.

“ yeah, like that. you should feel which way to pull — one way, it goes tighter, one way, it doesn’t. take it slow. ”   he completely decides to disregard the fact that with the direction the conversation is going, it would be in both of theirs’ best interests to get danny out of the ropes and with his hands free as soon as possible. danny is not panicking anymore, so there’s a decent chance he could get the knot untied, given that they don’t rush it… a condition that seems to be harder and harder to fulfill eah passing second.

eyetraitor.

it feels, for a moment, like all the air has been ripped from danny’s lungs.  the facade of cool surety splinters harshly as dylan’s words wash over him, unbearably loud in spite of their actual volume.  between the look on dylan’s face and the tone of his voice and the way guilt settles deep in his own bones, danny has never hated himself as much as he has in this moment.  he shouldn’t have let this happen, shouldn’t have allowed anyone to gain leverage over him, shouldn’t have even gotten this attached in the first place.  every ounce of him just wants to stop, to pick up the phone and call merritt and tell him they have to call the whole thing off, they have to find another way, he wants to give in to the only good man who’s ever believed in him and explain  ——

instead though, he swallows hard and draws himself up, pulling for the indifferent arrogance that has never worked on dylan, because the alternative to doing so is unacceptable.  he’s done this to himself, and he’s not the only one who will pay if he doesn’t follow through.  the way his chest tightens like he’s about to cave in on himself and he has to swallow past traitorous emotion that threatens to close his throat is irrelevant now. 

“ i — ”  for the first time in years, danny doesn’t know what he means to say, i don’t want this.  i have to.  instead, he shakes his head just slightly, body tensing as if he’s already preparing to run.  “ i’m sorry dylan. ”

how did they keep ending up here? with dylan, holding shattered pieces of himself because he’s put his trust in a conman he’d decided to care for enough to choose blind faith over sense? he rejects danny’s apology as soon as it hits his ears — no, no, no, if you’re not sorry enough to not do this, you’re not sorry enough — but it’s enough to shake him, force him to take a step back, look away and cover the side of his face to prevent danny from seeing how close his expression is to meeting its breaking point. a deep breath, a promise to himself that he can let this out as soon as he’s out of here if he can just pretend like he’s still one complete man in front of daniel. he opens his eyes, slowly, carefully, and lowers his hand with the same caution before turning to almost face danny, eyes locked even if his body is still turned halfway to protect itself.

“ WHY? ”   dylan shouldn’t ask this: the amount of answers he can get for it that have the potential to make him hate himself are close to infinite, but some part of him that can’t let go of the love he feels for danny clings on to the hope that there’s something, anything the youngest atlas could say that would make him understand, make this all alright.  ( or at least, make watching him go easier. )   “ what’re you getting out of this? what was worth throwing this away? ”   there’s a pause and dylan tries to cover his meaning with a hand gesture around danny’s flat, but the meaning is already hanging in the air:  what was worth throwing me away?

eyetraitor.

“ are you telling me you’re not, because — ”  whatever the  ‘ because ’ is intended to be dies on danny’s tongue as frustration and uncertainty take eminence in his mind, despite the fact that there’s a part of him that very much wants to follow that conversation topic to its end.  there’s little that manages to stand in the flash flood of anxiety though, as fingers start to slip on the rope and previous attempts to teach himself to escape that left him compromised for extended periods of time lurch to the forefront of his mind.

he doesn’t hear dylan move, doesn’t even realize he has moved until a hand closes over his and he stills, tension melting out of him almost immediately.  later, he’ll find the reassurance that courses through him with the confirmation that dylan’s not going to leave him to his own devices for figuring it out alarming, but for the moment he focuses on listening to instruction and trying not to read too far into the double meanings that his brain kind of wants to run away with, because being tied up has never been a thing of his before and that’s a development worth consideration  and possibly overanalyzation but —

“ uh… yeah, i can. ”

there has to come a point, eventually, when danny stops surprising him, but it often felt like every time dylan thought he knew everything, something jumped around a corner. sometimes big, life-changing things, sometimes something smaller: like the fact that the one person dylan had presumed in his brief pondering on the topic to never be able to give up control even in the bedroom was into ropes. danny might’ve not said ‘yes’ directly but he might as well have — dylan will probably never know if danny’s words were intended to be snark or an attempt to explain himself, but it hardly matters.  “ no, i AM. ”   it feels pointless to try to deny it now — especially considering what exactly daniel has wrapped around his wrists.   “ i just thought you’d want me in the chair and not the other way around. ”

this hardly feels like the time or place for this conversation, but it’s happening now, and every passing second dylan feels less and less inclined to push the mental images away from his mind. for now, he still has to, because danny is still struggling — his fingers guide danny’s to take a hold of one side of the knot, guiding him to take a hold of it properly.   “ i need you to pull this one, down and left. ”   he moves closer, enough so he can lower his voice  ( he’ll later justify it with the intimacy seemed to calm danny down, but in reality, this is only happening because he wants it to ).  “ i’m gonna be right here. ”