selfdecapitator.
“When I first joined the Horsemen, I honestly didn’t think I fit in.” It wasn’t something so easily admitted out loud. Lula was generally optimistic to a fault, but insecurities and doubts were a part of being human and she had quite a few. “I’d wondered if maybe there had been a mistake in recruiting me. I wasn’t as good as the others, I wasn’t even in the same league.”
Nervous fingers tapped against a jean clad leg and Lula shifted a little. It was a little easier, she supposed, to bring up these thoughts with Dylan. He had, after all, become the sort of father figure she’d needed when she didn’t really have one. God knows her own father hadn’t been the best in the world. Dylan was understanding in a way that most people weren’t and it was something she both admired and respected.
“I don’t think that as much as I used to, but there are some days those thoughts come back and I could really use some of your good advice..” Or some encouragement, whichever.
in spite of the instinctive flinch, the frown drawing upon his face hearing her, dylan refused to freeze still upon lula’s words: rather, very slowly and deliberately looking up from the papers and pictures ahead of him, collecting them together and placing the whole file aside, never breaking eye contact. he understood her cause for doubt of her fitting in ( to say the same thought had not once crossed his mind before bringing her along would be a lie ), had known its possibility to be there, only perhaps hoped her confidence ran just deep enough for those feelings to never surface to where she could feel them.
“ there’s not much ADVICE i can give you. ” lula was anything but an obvious choice, but she had been whom dylan had needed—lula was someone who would refuse to blend in with the other horsemen, someone whom the boys could not pretend wasn’t present, someone memorable, that dylan had always been sure about. the fact that she was a talented magician was a secondary thing—but no less noteworthy. listing off her strengths to himself was easy. making her see them… that could be a whole another thing. “ i’m usually not in the business of second-guessing who i want to be here. ” even henley’s choice, he would defend to the death, despite everything. “ you know what’s triggering those thoughts? ”